A few years ago I had a pretty big fight with a friend where I felt super misunderstood and judged for some personal decisions I had made. When I was talking about it later with a mentor she asked me “why did you go to the hardware store when you were looking for bread?”

Excuse me what?! Let me break it down like a fraction for you…

I very consciously decided to share this info with my friend, knowing that she most likely would disagree with, or have a negative reaction, and yet I told her anyways and was still surprised and upset when it was what I’d been expecting all along. What would have been more self-serving, or smarter, is if I chose to share the same life event with a friend that would have given me the advice I was looking for… like getting bread from a bakery.

I was recently reading an article on The Everygirl about the different types of friends every girl needs and it got me thinking about my own friends and the people I choose to surround myself with.

Having grown up and never had a singular “best friend,” I love the idea of consciously embracing different types of people that add more layers and spice to your life. Maybe you have that one friend that you only ever talk about boys with over mojitos and a hazy atmosphere, and another who is your go-to when shit hits the fan and she shows up with a pack of Kleenex and a Costco sized bottle of wine. There are people in our lives that we connect with at different times for different reasons, and I’m beginning to understand how to cultivate these different relationships in a way that brings more substance and joy into my own life.

So below is my own version of the 8 different types of friends every girl needs.

1. The Long-Hauler

This is the friend that has been around/stuck around for what seems like forever. She’s the type of friend that has seen you through every somewhat questionable phase of your life and has become more like a sister than anything else. It could be someone you grew up in diapers with, or if you’re in your 30s, maybe someone from college. For me, this is my cousin Haley. While we’ve never lived in the same state, she can recall every friend/ boyfriend/ major life event that has taken place over the last 20 years, and hopefully the next 60 more.

2. The Adventurer

This is the friend that pushes you beyond your social comfort zone, and makes you say yes to things you’ve never thought you’d do. They usually have a packed social calendar, but are so generous with inviting you along for the ride. While sometimes they can be a little intense, this friend is the person who gets you off the couch and out into the world.

3. The no BS-er

*Disclaimer: this is me* This friend is direct, and honest and tells it like it is. They let you know when you fuck up or are being unfair. Seeing how I am one of these people, I think they are some of the most important friends to surround myself with. My best friend and roommate in college was also this type of person. Sometimes it can leave you feeling a little raw and bruised, but ultimately I’ve grown more as a person by being challenged to see a new perspective and be brutally honest with my actions or feelings.

4. The Cheerleader

This friend is the exact opposite of the “no BS-er.” They are gentle, and loving, and tell you what you want to hear. They’re always on your team and spend a little more time fluffing your ego than telling you how it is. These friends are the best to have around when you really need some emotional support and someone to “give it to you gently.”

5. The Lady Boss

This friend is the ultimate go-getter. She hustles all day every day and inspires you to do the same. She has goals and dreams and challenges you to do the same, both personally and professionally. Can you say #girlboss?

6.The Local

This is a friend that might not always be in your life, but they’re great for the “here and now.” They live by you, are in your same career field or maybe you just keep bumping into them at social gatherings. Whatever it is, they are easy to call for a last minute happy hour date, or run around the park. They’re great to explore your current city with, or stay in for a movie night. This friendship is convenient and fun, and if it never turns into anything more that’s ok, but it’s always nice to have someone you can text last minute.

7. The Bad Influencer

This is the friend your parents warned you about as a kid. The one that pushes you to say yes to things normally a little out of your comfort zone, and to milk life a little bit. “Sure, have one more drink!” “Why not kiss him?” Their advice not be the best all the time, but with them around you’ll certainly have some more interesting stories to tell to your kids when you’re older.

8.The Different-Life-Stager

You might be single, she’s married. Maybe you just moved across the country for a new job, she’s settled down with a baby. Whatever the difference these friends are in a different place than you. Sometimes (at least for me) it can feel challenging to maintain these friendships because you are in such different places, but I think these friends offer a different perspective on life. They’ve gone through something different and can make you see beyond the “here and now” in your own life.

After understanding who my friends are a little more, and the particularly special role each one plays in my life, I feel so much more comfortable and confident in our individual relationships because I’m not trying to fit any one into a particular role.  And while I don’t have all of these different types on friends in my life all at the same time, my life is certainly more full when I do.

 

What type of friend are you? Did I miss any?